What I thought was a blessing turned out to be a curse

The bankruptcy is never ending. I have lost people closest to me, I have lost one of my beloved cats, I lost a great amount of money, I gave up my life for what I thought was taking care of myself but what I’m finding is that it’s all been a nightmare. But I have my sobriety.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


Oscar Wilde

Awoke from a dream

As vivid as life

And You were in it

You don’t deserve it

I fought for You whilst

Hurting others

You left me hanging high and dry

Not surprised

I didn’t deserve it.

Posted in Life, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

My TOP 10 picks for “Sexiest Men Alive”

Right now, I’m watching “Workaholics” on Comedy Central, and Jeff Fahey is playing a part. Since I was teen, I always thought he was so damn sexy. Who couldn’t be mesmerized by those big blue eyes? and those lips!? So, this has inspired me to share my picks for Sexiest Men Alive. They are not necessarily in any particular order despite the numerical placement:

jeff-fahey-guns #1. Let’s start with Jeff Fahey. As I said, who can resist those blue eyes and lips!? One of the most underrated and sought after actors, yet his filmography is quite extensive, he’s been working steadily since 1968! He is most notably seen in Lawnmower Man, and if you had the guts to see the movie Matchete (starring Danny Trejo), to my knowledge that is the most recent, mainstream movie he’s been in, that I’m familiar with — according to IMDB.


499910_sam_elliott-clark_1_t770#2: Sam Elliott. Talk about ALPHA MALE! Is it me, or has he gotten sexier with age? How can I compare the younger Sam Elliott in “Mask” or older Sam Elliott in “The Big Lebowski”? Tough call. Either way, I would love nothing more than to hear that deep sexy baritone voice, laying on top of me face down into a pillow, telling me to relax. Oh and my last two words about Sam Elliott. Can you say “Mustache Ride?”


at the "Comedy Central Roast of Bob Saget". Warner Bros Studios, Hollywood, CA 08-03-08#3: John Stamos. And on the 8th day God created John Stamos. This playboy doesn’t age. Who remembers Blackie on General Hospital? Yeah. Frothing at the mouth heartthrob for decades. His mother recently passed away. I want to thank her for her contribution to women’s wet dreams. Yes, we can have wet dreams and most likely we’re fantasizing about John Stamos.


Rob Loew#4: Rob Lowe. Way before Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian we had Rob Lowe. THE pioneer of sex tapes! Super easy on the eyes and a man of no drama. He (appears) to be happily married and a loving father. I follow him on Instagram.

John Hamm#5: John Hamm. I never knew of Don Draper prior to Mad Men. Captivating. Something about Don Draper’s character made me want him more. Most recently, John Hamm’s ham has been a topic of interest in tabloids, therefore making it a topic of my interest. Crazy as this sounds, I grew up with this guy, Jim, who was pretty dorky. He lived with our family for some time. He was my brothers’ best friend and like a brother to me. Who’d a thought he would grow up to look exactly like John Hamm, except with blonde hair. I hadn’t seen Jim in years. Ran into him at the grocery store but didn’t realize it was him. I thought…HOLY FUCK ME! then he turned toward me. 😦

Morris-Chestnut-2013-280x398-hiphipstan-com#6: Morris Chestnut. God Dayym! I’ve seen this man in person many many times, because we have mutual friends, and every time I see him I can’t stop staring, with my jaw hitting the floor. I’m not kidding when I say that he is breathtakingly handsome. This man is one fine piece of chocolate. I’m not normally attracted to the black man, but I will make an exception to let this chocolate man melt me.


The Rock#7: The Rock (aka: Dwayne Johnson) That smile! That body! That eyebrow! That hunky Samoan! Something about The Rock makes me feel safe and want to squeeze those tight ass gluts.


Jason-Lewis_exact780x1040_p#8: Jason Lewis. I don’t drink but Jason sure makes me thirsty. I wish there were more “Smith’s” in this world….and I had one.

The last two of my sexiest men are controversial….so love them or hate them, they’re both incredibly talented and the most misunderstood celebrities in this country.


marilyn-manson-house #9: Marilyn Manson. Before you say…”ew gross” I want you to stop and think for a moment if you ever thought Nicholas Cage was hot, then you really oughta stop and take a closer look and compare the facial features of the two. Now, with that, you may ask, “why would you find Marilyn Manson sexy?” Good question, but there is a simple answer. He’s an amazing artist and that is sexy to me. Like most artists, they’re very misunderstood creatures, and MM is probably the most. What you think you know about this prolific artist, you know nothing. His shows are thoughtful, lyrics cleverly speak the truth, and he oozes sexuality from his mesmerizing performance. His intelligence is by far more superior than a genius. This photo is a picture of the house, formerly owned by Bella Legosi, that he recently purchased in the Hollywood Hills which is directly across the street from a good friend of mine. It’s certainly no devils lair…I’ve seen it.


esq-howard-stern-photo-051412-lg#10: Howard Stern. Love him or hate him, whether you like it or not, he is one of the most powerful men in show business, and perhaps in the country in general. Power is sexy. There is no one in this country who can mobilize millions of people (fans) to sway the outcome of an election i.e.: the New Jersey gubernatorial race when Christie Todd-Whitman, an underdog, actually won the race. As a devoted listener for 23 years, I can say for certain that the Howard Stern Show saved many sad days in my life, and many miserable people at work jealous that I was in a good mood, and quickly tried to change that after the show was over. He is far from a misogynist, he has three daughters for Christ’s sake! I don’t know what I, or millions of his fans, are going to do when he finally decides to retire. There will be no laughter. AGT has helped change the people’s perception, but we already knew he’s one of the greatest celebrities of all time. I have participated in a few Howard Stern gatherings here in Los Angeles. Two book signings and two Tonight Show appearances. Both required fans to spend the night at the venues. We had to get there before midnight the day of the appearance. The book signing for Miss America was a mile long. Not joking. If I had the picture from the 23rd floor of a building directly across the street from the bookstore online, I’d post it. We are a close band of strangers that only Stern could bring together. Funny how, just like Ozzy Osbourne in the 80’s, Howard is now a beloved celebrity. There is a reason he calls himself, The King of All Media.

So, if you didn’t notice, I have a pattern…and evidently a “type,” particularly men with dark hair, and blue eyes. Other notable observations, are four of them are Capricorn.

Capricorns: Jeff Fahey, Morris Chestnut, Marilyn Manson, and Howard Stern. Interesting.

Well that’s all folks! In the meantime, I’ll keep dreaming.

Posted in Men, sexy, top ten | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment


Change is inevitable

A merchant makes change

Our perceptions change

We’re forced into change

People change

Humans are always paying a price

Change is life.

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Bye for now: Remembering Eric the Actor on Howard 101

Bye for now!

Hear & Now

Twelve years ago, a Kelly Clarkson debate sparked a Stern Show legend.

Eric the Actor, who passed away last weekend, first entered the Stern universe on Sept. 19, 2002, when he called into Howard to chastise the King of All Media for his criticism of Clarkson. Howard immediately recognized there was something unique about Eric, and the two went on to chat for nine minutes … and, in the end, 12 years.

All weekend on Howard 101, the Stern Show team is airing classic moments featuring Eric the Actor, including his legendary calls into the show. Be sure to tune in on SiriusXM channel 101, and tweet your memories of Eric using the hashtag #byefornow.

Rest in peace, Eric.

For more Howard Stern coverage, follow @sternshow on TwitterFacebook and Instagram, and visit howardstern.com.

View original post

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

In pursuit of better AA Meetings


So, this past week I have traveled over two hills, and approximately 30 miles, to get to Santa Monica, California to find people with more sobriety time than myself. I hit the jackpot!

I seriously have never wanted to go “over the hill” to meetings, because lets face it the 405 freeway can frustrate even the most spiritual human being. Some time ago, a high school friend  John, and a fellow AA member at the time, would say to us that San Fernando Valley meetings were 15 minutes away from any length. I always thought that was a hilarious comment, but never thought the jibe would ever ring true. Contempt prior to investigation perhaps? Perhaps. I really never had contempt for westside meetings, I have contempt for the 405, or the Sepulveda Pass in general. Let’s not talk about Hollywood meetings. Ugh. <rolling my eyes>. Talk about pretentious. Anyway, I digress.

I’ve heard more recovery in the last 4 days than I’ve heard in any SFV meetings in years. With gas prices at $3.80 and I drive a BMW 328i (6 cylinder) my car drinks gas like a drunk. I went up to thank a woman with 35 years of sobriety tonight. I thanked her for just being there and that someone like myself, with 24 years of sobriety and nobody to look up to is reassuring and feels safe….at least for today.

I’m receiving a lot of feedback as to which are the good meetings where old-timers meet. I’m taking their advice and will check them out. My home meetings will be the Life After 10 meetings because I feel safe, and lets face it, I don’t really care what anyone before 10 has to say. The longer I stay sober, the less I know….or realize that what I did know to be true is no longer my truth.

There’s an irony to this adventure. Every step meeting I’ve been to is on Step One. Ha! Is it odd or is it God? I’ll place my wager on God. The first sentence from Step One in the twelve & twelve states, “Who cares to admit complete defeat?” Yeah, well when I first came into AA, my drug dealer did that for me. He dragged me to an AA meeting and from that night on I stayed sober. Through out the many a.m.’s and p.m.’s my life has ebbed and flowed and many times I’ve had to admit complete defeat. As my new friend Marge was saying, being sober a long time does not mean life is a smooth walk on a flat plain. Newcomers expect people with time as saints and should have this thing licked. I’ve seen it many times. This very idea doesn’t seem to seep through the mind of the newcomer because they haven’t experienced it.

As I venture upon unraveling a part of my life that I wound up so tight that I am choking myself with it, I have hope. I believe God has my hand. I have faith in those AA’s that have gone before me, know what they’re taking about and have what I need to make changes in this phase of my life.

Posted in Alcoholics Anonymous | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment


three of swords


A symbol of strength

A tool of destruction

Swords empower the holder

Swords pierce the heart of the weak

Two swords challenged in a duel

One will lose

Warriors battle with the sword

Soldiers of peace will fall

Swords slice through skin

Akin to diamonds and glass

Knights of swords protect

Kings and Queens

With precision the sharp sword inflicts pain

One false move

The sword’s blade wounds

The warrior stands tall

Until the next bloodshed

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Tarot Post – Three of Swords

Waking Spirals

Three of Swords (Sorrow)

Three of SwordsThree of Swords (Revised) by G A Rosenberg

I didn’t want to know.
Separation hurts like hell
Still Healing Begins


None that came
and took the hand
of sorrow’s separation
Bleeding heart releases tears
Not only bloody down
the cheek of one’s soul
but burning holes
in the fabric of real
exposing chaos

What can come
spring forth from loins
of chaos manifestation
Lovely monsters coming through
not only ravishing
the whole of being
but with ecstatic
terrible beauty
exhorting night
–G A Rosenberg

The suit of swords represents thought, ideas, plans and conflicts. Threes deal with maturity, accomplishment and transmission of the energy involved. Thought separates one thing from another for the purposes of comparing and contrasting, breaking down and analyzing. What is that energy of separation in its maturity but that of sorrow and loss. When we find separation from those we loved…

View original post 318 more words

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

$350 Enema

So, after dinner Suge tried to take a shit in the middle of the kitchen. In fear of a bowel obstruction, we rushed him to the emergency vet.

They took an x-ray and the beast had constipation. poop1 The stone inside the red circle is the big shit stuck in his ass. The vet gave him an enema.

Posted in Pets | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

My Moxie died one year ago today, and a holistic approach to keep insects away.



February 3, 2005  to September 22, 2013

I miss her every moment of everyday. Moxie died of feline triaditis. A pervasive disease that has three concurrent affects; pancreatitis, hepatic lipidosis, and inflammatory bowel disease. Only a highly educated and observant vet will have the wherewithal to diagnose and treat the disease. The problem is that by the time it’s diagnosed it is too late. As most cat owners know, cats barf all the time. It’s nearly a daily ritual that requires cat humans to accept this fact of life. This acceptance proved to be the reason Moxie died.

Moxie was the pick of the litter. Little did I know that orange tabbies are rarely girls, so she was already special. She was eight weeks old when I picked her. She was the most adorable little kitty, full of moxie. Moxie was a skittish cat and had difficulty socializing. She lived in my room, so this made it difficult to observe her behavior throughout the day. She stayed on a window perch or a cat tree I put in my room just for her. I forced her to allow me to hold her, and she eventually let me, and hang out with me, but I had to respect her boundaries or she’d be back in the bedroom. We moved from my apartment to my mother’s house for my health and financial reasons. She was just getting used to the freedom to explore the apartment without fear when the change occurred. The newness of living in the house was culture shock for both of us. My mother’s house is situated in a small town/foothill setting, with the Angeles National Forest just blocks up the street. The mountains is the picturesque view from our dining room window. With mountain living comes mountain living problems, and living in a house comes with it’s own set of problems. My first spring I was greeted with water bugs invading every entrance to the house, including my bedroom. I never experienced this in my city apartment, and even if I did the property manager was right there to solve the problem.

I knew the risks of spraying bug killer around the perimeter of the house, but what I didn’t realize is what happens after insects are infected with the poison….they seek a place to die. It’s not necessarily the poison that is toxic to animals if you spray away from areas where animals rest, its the insect. What didn’t dawn on me is that the poison attracts insects and the bugs seek a final resting place. For me it was under my bed, under my dresser, or bookshelf next to the door. I wouldn’t know they were there, but Moxie did. She torchered with the bugs and ate them. She died doing her job.

I wasn’t there when she died, which hurts me to this day. I wish I was there for her, so I could’ve breathed in her last breath, but I wasn’t. Moxie died in Dr. B’s arms. Dr. B cared for Moxie as if she were her own. The final 24 hours of Moxie’s life Dr. B made sure it was comfortable and most of all special. Dr. B took Moxie home and to bed with her. Evidently something she doesn’t allow her own pets to do. All I fear is that she was so scared and wondered where her mamma was.

There is nothing worse than realizing that her death could’ve been prevented, but I didn’t know any better. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had. It was an accident, a very heartbreaking accident. What I have learned since, is that I can’t keep beating myself up for the mistake I made, as difficult as that is. What else I’ve learned and will evangelize for the rest of my life.

Holistic remedies to fend off insects typically tell you to use some kind of essential oil with the herb or flower that specifically repels that type of insect. The problem with this is that essential oils are toxic to cats. So what do you do? Use tea bags. 

Since California is experiencing the worst drought ever, ants are coming around. As water bugs, the ants are marching into my room. Ants hate the smell of peppermint, but using a peppermint essential oil was out of the question. Fearing any sort of poison or repellant to harm my other cats, and dog, I didn’t know what to do. That is until my mom came up with the idea of using peppermint tea bags. It was worth a try, since we only had the other animals to lose. I taped spearmint tea bags in four different places along the bottom of the doorway and waited to see. What happened in two days astonished me. The ants were GONE! At first they were kinda scrambling along but nothing unusual. Within 24 hours, a significant reduction in ants. Maybe a dozen roaming around. The second day they were all gone.

The lesson I learned. Poison attracts, herbs/flowers repel. The poison attracted the bugs but didn’t immediately kill them. They lived long enough to seek a place to die. The spearmint tea made the ants run away because they couldn’t stand the smell….and they didn’t die. Because I didn’t use essential oils, the other three cats and my dog didn’t get sick from it’s toxicity. I’m sure I didn’t invent something new, but after hours and hours of seeking a solution, I found nothing so simple as this.

If I just save one animal from toxicity by poison or by essential oils, this post has helped.

I will never get my Moxie back but her spirit is always with me and I will love her until the day I meet her beyond the Rainbow Bridge.

Posted in Cats, Essential Oils, Holistic Solutions, Pets | Tagged , | Leave a comment