Defending your position might be necessary this weekend, especially if you feel your emotional security is tied up with the need to protect yourself. You don’t have to go too far out of your way and waste energy trying to be nice if anyone acts disrespectfully toward you. Although you may startle others if you push back to make your point, no one has the right to be overly bossy or take advantage of your good nature. Standing up for yourself will earn you new respect and appreciation from someone you admire.
I’m trying to controls breath
But the panic lies just beneath
Tapping on my broken spirit
Daring me to lose control
Of all my senses begging to cease
Torchered by racing thoughts of despair, anguish, fear
Loathsome is my vehicle
My body a prison
This has to end
This is no way to live.
The more I think of ending my life
The more I desensitize the fear
The less selfish I feel
When I remember why
All the selfish reasons I was brought into this world
Mark my words the day will come
And it shall be to no surprise
Why I gave up
Just like you did
The day I was born.
I can’t love until you are dead.
New beginnings taking place
Where do I go from here?
Sun is rising
Darkness a shadow
Music in the background
Loudness frees the soul
Beating drums under red lights
Singing songs of yesteryear
The soundtrack of my past
Lives in the core of my gut
Vibes of my heart
Take me to a place of peace
Beyond the roaming lizards
Beyond the fear
Music is here to set me free.
but I can’t handle abandonment.
The bankruptcy is never ending. I have lost people closest to me, I have lost one of my beloved cats, I lost a great amount of money, I gave up my life for what I thought was taking care of myself but what I’m finding is that it’s all been a nightmare. But I have my sobriety.
Awoke from a dream
As vivid as life
And You were in it
You don’t deserve it
I fought for You whilst
You left me hanging high and dry
I didn’t deserve it.
Right now, I’m watching “Workaholics” on Comedy Central, and Jeff Fahey is playing a part. Since I was teen, I always thought he was so damn sexy. Who couldn’t be mesmerized by those big blue eyes? and those lips!? So, this has inspired me to share my picks for Sexiest Men Alive. They are not necessarily in any particular order despite the numerical placement:
#1. Let’s start with Jeff Fahey. As I said, who can resist those blue eyes and lips!? One of the most underrated and sought after actors, yet his filmography is quite extensive, he’s been working steadily since 1968! He is most notably seen in Lawnmower Man, and if you had the guts to see the movie Matchete (starring Danny Trejo), to my knowledge that is the most recent, mainstream movie he’s been in, that I’m familiar with — according to IMDB.
#2: Sam Elliott. Talk about ALPHA MALE! Is it me, or has he gotten sexier with age? How can I compare the younger Sam Elliott in “Mask” or older Sam Elliott in “The Big Lebowski”? Tough call. Either way, I would love nothing more than to hear that deep sexy baritone voice, laying on top of me face down into a pillow, telling me to relax. Oh and my last two words about Sam Elliott. Can you say “Mustache Ride?”
#3: John Stamos. And on the 8th day God created John Stamos. This playboy doesn’t age. Who remembers Blackie on General Hospital? Yeah. Frothing at the mouth heartthrob for decades. His mother recently passed away. I want to thank her for her contribution to women’s wet dreams. Yes, we can have wet dreams and most likely we’re fantasizing about John Stamos.
#4: Rob Lowe. Way before Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian we had Rob Lowe. THE pioneer of sex tapes! Super easy on the eyes and a man of no drama. He (appears) to be happily married and a loving father. I follow him on Instagram.
#5: John Hamm. I never knew of Don Draper prior to Mad Men. Captivating. Something about Don Draper’s character made me want him more. Most recently, John Hamm’s ham has been a topic of interest in tabloids, therefore making it a topic of my interest. Crazy as this sounds, I grew up with this guy, Jim, who was pretty dorky. He lived with our family for some time. He was my brothers’ best friend and like a brother to me. Who’d a thought he would grow up to look exactly like John Hamm, except with blonde hair. I hadn’t seen Jim in years. Ran into him at the grocery store but didn’t realize it was him. I thought…HOLY FUCK ME! then he turned toward me. 😦
#6: Morris Chestnut. God Dayym! I’ve seen this man in person many many times, because we have mutual friends, and every time I see him I can’t stop staring, with my jaw hitting the floor. I’m not kidding when I say that he is breathtakingly handsome. This man is one fine piece of chocolate. I’m not normally attracted to the black man, but I will make an exception to let this chocolate man melt me.
The last two of my sexiest men are controversial….so love them or hate them, they’re both incredibly talented and the most misunderstood celebrities in this country.
#9: Marilyn Manson. Before you say…”ew gross” I want you to stop and think for a moment if you ever thought Nicholas Cage was hot, then you really oughta stop and take a closer look and compare the facial features of the two. Now, with that, you may ask, “why would you find Marilyn Manson sexy?” Good question, but there is a simple answer. He’s an amazing artist and that is sexy to me. Like most artists, they’re very misunderstood creatures, and MM is probably the most. What you think you know about this prolific artist, you know nothing. His shows are thoughtful, lyrics cleverly speak the truth, and he oozes sexuality from his mesmerizing performance. His intelligence is by far more superior than a genius. This photo is a picture of the house, formerly owned by Bella Legosi, that he recently purchased in the Hollywood Hills which is directly across the street from a good friend of mine. It’s certainly no devils lair…I’ve seen it.
#10: Howard Stern. Love him or hate him, whether you like it or not, he is one of the most powerful men in show business, and perhaps in the country in general. Power is sexy. There is no one in this country who can mobilize millions of people (fans) to sway the outcome of an election i.e.: the New Jersey gubernatorial race when Christie Todd-Whitman, an underdog, actually won the race. As a devoted listener for 23 years, I can say for certain that the Howard Stern Show saved many sad days in my life, and many miserable people at work jealous that I was in a good mood, and quickly tried to change that after the show was over. He is far from a misogynist, he has three daughters for Christ’s sake! I don’t know what I, or millions of his fans, are going to do when he finally decides to retire. There will be no laughter. AGT has helped change the people’s perception, but we already knew he’s one of the greatest celebrities of all time. I have participated in a few Howard Stern gatherings here in Los Angeles. Two book signings and two Tonight Show appearances. Both required fans to spend the night at the venues. We had to get there before midnight the day of the appearance. The book signing for Miss America was a mile long. Not joking. If I had the picture from the 23rd floor of a building directly across the street from the bookstore online, I’d post it. We are a close band of strangers that only Stern could bring together. Funny how, just like Ozzy Osbourne in the 80’s, Howard is now a beloved celebrity. There is a reason he calls himself, The King of All Media.
So, if you didn’t notice, I have a pattern…and evidently a “type,” particularly men with dark hair, and blue eyes. Other notable observations, are four of them are Capricorn.
Capricorns: Jeff Fahey, Morris Chestnut, Marilyn Manson, and Howard Stern. Interesting.
Well that’s all folks! In the meantime, I’ll keep dreaming.
Change is inevitable
A merchant makes change
Our perceptions change
We’re forced into change
Humans are always paying a price
Change is life.